A couple of months ago I finally started to accept that my problems weren’t going anywhere over night and that instead of pushing through it and making things worse… maybe it would be better to accept it for what it was and admit I needed help. This was phase one, finally accepting that my asthma had not only left me struggling but the medication side affects were so severe and affecting my daily living. Next step was accepting that no matter how hard I am trying to manage and be careful, bad days are going to happen whether I like it or not. This is inevitable and dwelling on it is a waste of energy, so when I learnt to just accept that bad days would come… I started to make the most of the good days. Next was accepting that realistically I needed help, financially, mentally, physically… In order for me to get that help I had to ask. My family started helping more, supporting me, and then I started the process applying for financial help.
Today I was just awarded the financial help because they agreed that now my asthma and my chronic myopathy from the medication was really affecting my living. I have also started the process in getting ‘aids and adaptations’ made in my home so that I can get specialist equipment to help me at home. I’ve also applied for my disabled parking badge so that I can try to get out more and not have to worry about walking and putting myself in hospital! I’ve also now started to admit that maybe I may need some form of physical assistance from a carer to help with personal care because right now i’m really unable to do some of the most basic things which is leading to me having poor personal hygiene and infections.
At 24, having all these things feels so daunting. However, I know that pushing my body doesn’t work. I’ve tried that the last year, I’ve tried not resting as much as I should and I’ve over done it so many times and it’s only made me worse. Now I either can do it at a push or I can’t do it at all, I need to just accept the help and know that the help is there to make me better and keep me healthy which is all I want.
Hopefully I wont need any of this anymore and i’ll be more mobile and not so ill… For now I need to accept this as my daily living and that i’m not as active or as able as I was. I need to get better, I need my body to be stronger, I need my health to be optimised. I can’t do it alone anymore, I can’t keep struggling.
When people look at me, they may not think much is wrong. They may see a healthy person, they may think i’m just being a drama queen. They may think how can I be disabled I don’t look like a disabled person… Not all disabilities are the same, some are hidden…