Today I failed, I cried, I got up and I succeeded.

So today, I have been feeling so much better with my breathing so thought i’d attempt a simple bath. Something since my mobility being so much worse that I now  can’t really manage without getting stuck in it. I’ve just got so used to hospital walk in showers with rails and seats that coming home to no mobiity aids or equipment made me realise how bad I am. So twice i’ve managed a bath and both times I got stuck in it. Yes, embaressing. So i’m building up a little fear of the whole idea of it. Today, I climbed over… fell in. Picked up a few extra bruises, had a lovely bath and then all over again… could I get out? No. I couldnt. I spent 10 mins crying in an empty bath thinking i’m never going to get out or my brother is giong to have to drag me out. I felt hopeless, like i couldn’t do anything. I lay there crying. Giving up thinking this is my life now and I can’t even wash properly. Then i thought, this wont be forever and worst case I’ll just have to get equipment or mobility aids to help me. However, this is possible and I will manage it. I picked up a few more bruises and finally managed it. I now feel so much better after a nice bath, I feel clean and was nice to have a good soak and relax all my muscles listening to music. So much so that it was worth the pain and the being stuck.

Yes, that will probably my last time having a bath without having equipment for awhile… but, for now I feel good that i felt like giving up… I didn’t. Now i feel so much better for it. It may be a small accomplishment, something many of you take forgranted having your daily showers or baths… but for me a daily accomplishement is getting out of bed, getting up the stairs in one piece.. So to manage a massive task like a bath and survive to tell the tale, well I couldn’t be more proud.

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The thing about chronic illness is it affects you in so many different ways. It’s not just symptoms or pain, it’s sometimes about the daily tasks. Can i put my own socks on, No. can I make it up the stairs all the way to the top now without stopping? Yes. I take the small achievements where i can get them.

Small steps to success!

 

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