Let’s start at the beginning of my day – Woke up, could hardly breathe and my chest infection that’s been borderline going crazy decided that today was the day to act all big and tough. Felt like someone had just poured a few pints of thick gunk in my chest. Straight away I knew it was going to be a bad breathing day, so I had my nebulizer. Stuck my music on whilst i was waiting for it to finish. Rung my respiratory nurse to explain and she agreed to see me asap.
Came downstairs to find my dad at home and not at work, today is not a day I can handle smoke. Sorry, but instantly shut him up on one side of the house. Continued to struggle with my breathing but then my health assessor came to assess me for some benefits as i’ve been unable to work in so long and been so unwell I finally gave in. So had to deal with loads of questions which made me realize how in denial I have been about my health. I’m so used to downplaying and not being quite as upfront as i should be at how rubbish i’m feeling and now I was expected to say EXACTLY how bad I was. It was a shock, to realise at 24 how disabled I really am now.
Next was the nurse, who in one was was amazing as sorted out my antibiotics and getting respiratory physio to help and see if that can keep me home. However she also made a point at the time she’s known me my overall health is declining each month and now i have so many health problems and i’m on so many medication… plus how i just live in hospitals. Just another realization at how ill i am which i probably wasn’t prepared to hear. She made a comment that she’s done all she can, i’m doing all i can, and it’s down to me and my body now. However, i’m likely to end up in hospital over weekend. Yay me.
Next I just had more personal stuff added on with friends, and it all just became too much. I can’t let myself sink into a bad mind frame. I need to just realizse enough is enough and I have to snap out and focus on me, and getting better and keeping positive to get me through this!
So, hello Spotify. My soulmate, my other half and my blood that runs in my veins.
Good music and a good playlist can have so much healing power, there is always a song for everything. Right now Ron Pope is being my savour, I couldn’t survive without him this last week. His music is so uplifting and even though some of his lyrics are so heart breaking it’s nice that he’s writing about REAL things. I just love him.
Music will get me through this.