Support – You are killing me.

My Family are usually so supportive, they have been getting so much better at dealing with my health. Until this latest discharge, I don’t know whether it’s because I was in hospital for 6 weeks and they just got out of habit of caring… However, they are just not helping me at all.

My dogs need walking, it’s unfair that they aren’t walked properly. I’m having to nag and beg just to get them taken out in the first place. Knowing this situation happened before and I eventually took them out myself and ended up in ITU nearly dead you’d think after lecturing me on how much I can’t go outside and no walking of the dogs that they would step up. Nope. They can tell me not to walk my dogs but they aren’t walking them!

Then there is the smoking, both my parents smoke. Both are aware this is a HUGE trigger for me. Both are smoking in the house loads and each day I feel worse than the day before. When they are both home in the evening I can barely breathe. I’m taking all my medication, im not doing anything in my day except rest and take it easy. I’ve been home nearly a week and i’ve left the house ONCE otherwise, i’ve not done anything bar move from bed to downstairs to a chair. Yet because they can’t be bothered to even shut the door and keep smoke away from me i’m getting worse and with how downhill i’m going, i WILL end up in hospital again soon. There is nothing I can do about it!

My airways are staying in a constant inflamed state because they aren’t able to heal. If something else was to set me off i’d be in hospital for sure having a severe attack because i’m already in such a inflamed bad way with my airways, anything on top now could kill me.

I’m trying my hardest to get better, to stay out of hospital and to get my health in order. Yet i’m getting worse each day that goes by because my family don’t bother to think about me. They blame the doctors and the NHS, they are happy to shout at them for not helping me or doing enough… they pretend to care. Yet actions speak louder than words, you want to show me you care… HELP ME BREATHE.

So, I think until they realise what they are doing I’m just going to wait till people are home and I’ll just come and hide in my room all evening and night till they leave again. I can’t be around them if they aren’t going to be supportive and respectful. If i expose myself anymore i AM going to end up in hospital any day now.

I wish they just understood more. I wish I didn’t have to hide. If I want to stay alive and out of hospital then it’s my only option.

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