So, I’ll admit… My health is very up and down. I can be okay one minute and not the next, or okay one day and very ill the next. The amount of time that i have spent in hospital, the doctors are really knowing this about me now. However, with how ill i have been lately… and how many life threatening ‘downhills’ i’ve had just recently… nobody seems to want to make that final decision in letting me go home in case I iend up back in the next day. I’ve reached that point where i’m so up and down week by week, and yes i’m not feeling great but then i’m also not severely ill right now so there is no reason to stay in hospital. Other than a just in case i have a bad turn. I can’t stay in hospital waiting to get worse, I’ve reached that point where you just have to have faith that I will either get home and get better, or I get home and may only have a week before I am in again.. however, at least I have had that week at home!
They are admitting there is an infection, but it’s not my lungs. So maybe my chest, or maybe somewhere else in my body. However, my asthma isn’t perfect at the moment but it is manageable. I think they are nervous knowing how i can laugh and joke one day or one hour and then soon after be severely ill… The joys of brittle asthma and such a weakened immune system.
I’m 24, I’ve got to live my life. I need to get out. I need to try and keep my strength up, get walking more. See friends, see the sky, breathe fresh air. 6 weeks in hospital when you are 24, is just a lot. The fact it’s so normal for me, and i’m so used to it… It’s not right. When people complain how they have been in hospital, and they have been in less than a week… then they ask me and they just can’t believe it. I need to just live my life best i can, enjoy what I can. If I’m only home for a short period so be it. However, I think it’s time to leave.
Manage me at home, look after me there. Waiting every day to get worse or get better is just not enjoyable. Okay so I feel terrible, but the medication is keeping my asthma manageable and me comfortable somewhat.. So it’s time to just accept you can’t control what happens. I’ll either get worse or I wont. Whatever happens, I’ll deal with it.
It’s just about staying strong and keeping a smile. As long as I do that, I know i’ll be okay.